getting on medicaid, then ssi. hopefully able, if abusers agree to help move, and pay for things like internet, luckily we have a hold over them in that they feel rightfully guilty over their actions and are willing to keep paying for some stuff. we will move somewhere nearby, and we will try to learn tech like piracy and learn how to live somehow, we will get housemoving aid and all that we can to make living alone possible with the amount we get from ssi. we will try to get "better" in ways we can, we don't think we can "recover" because that is a loaded word but we want to try to do things to prevent further body damage, we need to have a body that can manage things somehow. or else we r screwed. aka force self to do stuff we hate. this is like fucked up. was gonna say something after that but forgot but thats fitting, it is. we don't even know what to do in the meantime. we guess we should try to function better here first but we can't figure out how. we are always triggered and in pain and dissociation we have no space available to exercise or to even bathe. we have no space to live. we are too mentally fucked to think in this place with them and the animals. we have to get high just to bear existing. we guess we could try to do basic things even if they are torture like brush teeth and clean and eat better, with the food assistance we maybe could find better food to eat. then like seeing in the meantime doctors that we can to try to get things to help, like medicine or treatments. things we can’t currently afford but will have access to if we get on these things. and we just have to do what we can now and deal with the huge transistion to independencey, well sort of we will still be in contact with them and they will assist some, but they wont be there, we will have instead a caretaker, or multiple. we may or may not have a roomate, not that we would make somebody else do everything, they would have to know we are this disabled tho and may not recover. we have never been anywhere away from them entirely alone except for the psych ward for 2 months and when we got back home traumatized forever we couldnt recognize our room or them or the world outside the space. we weren’t taught to be independent. they gave up and decided they would keep us forever. but we arent theirs forever. we will be free. this is a fact. if we dont, we will die.

we have to do this even if we have to force it against our will against our own consent

and we have no idea if it will actually be better or a whole new nightmare chapter or end of our life