- benjamin

 30mg evry morning just about is the least i can do to calm my nerves. i barely eat or sleep anymore; maybe 2-5hrs of sleep evry night, 500-1k cals a day .... its torment rite now, dnt know wht to do; all i do is hurt the ppl i love nd i cant blame it on any other part kuz we all have 2 take responsibility, cnt b immature like that. it might just be damien inflicting the pain but truly its all of us, 4evr, if we r 1 body physically.

state of disso evryday & can nevrr find our body / feel like we are trapped souls, only 1 part content w/ physical form

we luv her but all we do is bring her pain. we r not meant to b a lover, nvr have nvr will, we dnt know what love is; we only kno hate & pain nd we can only bring her that. nothing else. we dnt know why she stays, I guess its good we've been away from her 4 a bit so we don't hurt her. we feel nothng but guilt always but we know we wont change because we like the control. its always been abt control 4 us. we like hvng something to throw around & beat around and tell wht to do. we r terrible to her and we kno it.

time is a flat circle; we feel destined 2 become our abusers; we probably alrdy have. it started with only abusing ourselves nd now its others.

i guess this is a confession we hurt ppl. not that we care about our reputation and standing. but wtvr