reject lab materia

 Cloud: Hey, did I tell you guys that I finally met Sephiroth a few days ago?

Zack: Seriously?! That's great!

Kunsel: How'd it go?

Cloud: Well…first he grabbed me by the waist and called me a good boy.

Zack: …

Kunsel: …

*In the background, Sephiroth walks in*

Cloud: Then he ran his hands through my hair for like—an uncomfortably long time. He said I was softer than he expected.

Kunsel: …………

*In the background, Zack punches Sephiroth in the face*

Sephiroth: ?!?

Cloud: Then he climbed on top of me and rode me until he was satisfied.

Kunsel: Damn.

*In the background, Zack is actively choking Sephiroth to death*

Cloud: I mean, it was exhausting, but he seemed to enjoy himself. Kept calling me impressive and strong, said I had "remarkable endurance for my size."

Kunsel: Didn't know hw was into that.

*Zack is now pounced on Sephiroth's back and attempting to throw him on the ground*

Cloud: Oh, and afterward, he fed me some fruit out of his hand and told me I was special.

Kunsel: I mean…that sounds nice.

*Zack is in the background, sobbing, calling Sephiroth a bastard as he now terrorizes him with his shoe*

Cloud: He even rubbed my neck while I was eating and said "You deserve a reward for working so hard."

Kunsel: And you guys didn't follow-up with a date after?

Cloud: Date? The materia wore off right after this.

Kunsel: The what wore off?

Cloud: Oh, right, did I forget to mention? Some guys turned me into a chocobo with materia.

*Zack pauses mid-swing, his boot still raised, eyes wide with dawning horror*

*Sephiroth gets up, dusts himself off, and summons Masamune*

Zack: Oh no.