touch

 our life ….. we said before it was torment ; perhaps a half truth and a half lie… it is not a constant yet a fleeting thing.. perhaps the pain lay in the back of our head…

discomfort is always — in our bones, in our head, our body, our legs, our hands, it is everything. never content with a physical or mental position , heightened mental and physical sensitivity leaves us alert  during every moment, never able to find a moment of peace, we are always moving. we have to move.

 we have to move. repeat the mantra; the words echo in my head forever. i feel the emotions of all, or i see ones that are not even perceived by the one speaking . i feel all, i feel everything , sometimes nothing; pure blank emptiness, a void, an empty canvas, but it is always filled after a short period: thoughts, perception, sensory 

the things in the room. i touch them and i take them apart; i destroy just to feel something. i am addicted to feeling, my fix only achieved by stimulation, until i overwhelm myself and begin to collapse.

even when i am tired, my legs stir; they are restless….moving…. so warm and uncomfortable; i wish i was an amputee… anything to kill the feeling in the legs

…. tired, im so tired … my pupils drift beneath my closed eyelids , begging to see , even as i am losing my vision .. as if they want their last moments to perceive